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  • Dr. Adrian Arce

To accept or not to accept (my self)

Updated: Aug 30, 2018


The question is simple and shouldn't bring up any reflexion or debate. Yet, it is not easy to find the balance in between. Let me explain.

We all have areas of our lives which we are not satisfied with, for some people -or at a certain point in life- these areas are too many to ignore them. The dissatisfaction weights on our shoulders and makes us walk through life rather looking down. Unhappiness, discontent, depression perhaps. If we could just be different! Then the pendulum-like reaction pushes us to the other extreme, we need to come to terms with our problems and so we start embracing them more than fighting against them. We work very hard to get to the point of accepting our selves. Those problems become part of us and our perception gets adjusted to who “we really are” -issues included.

There is nothing wrong with this picture, we love ourselves and that’s a good thing, isn’t it?

Well, here is the trick, not all of our issues or problems are part of who we are necessarily. Some of those problems are nothing but the consequences of our choices (not the best ones), and so by choosing differently we could change. The strengths to change depend in part on our perception of those problems as problems and not as part of our identity.

I guess the key word here is choice. We are constantly choosing the person we want to be. I remember a client few months ago telling me “I don’t want to be that guy that gets mad, looses control and ruins everything”, well, the good news is that he didn’t have to be that guy, he could change and I’m glad he did!

To be fair we have to make a distinction here, as hard as I might want to, I would never be able to be other than who I am. I mean, We are not talking about changing who we are but working in those areas where we can improve. Our short temper, our life style, our habits and the way we make decisions in our lives. So the question is still simple and the answer is still a challenge. To accept or not to accept (myself).

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